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Jul. 21st, 2009 | 08:17 pm

I feel like sobbing uncontrollable but I do not think I have enough stamina to keep it going for more than three minutes. This is most likely one of those times where I should not sew my fingers together since it is one of those unfavourable rather than merely curious circumstances. I want to get intoxicated and near me is a bottle full enough to knock me out completely if I down it like a shot. The only thing that seems to be holding me back is the fact that I have to get an 8am train and require concentration for my three hours of class in the morning. What ever will I do with myself? Such a small thing can trigger an explosion of anxiety that stuns me every time it occurs; when will I learn to adjust?

Things are shifting, people are moving about, time is not the same; it is making my stability crumble like a stale cookie. Anxiety is not letting me go tonight. I will not sleep with contentedness any more. Calling myself a cunt does not seem to help me yet I still manage to believe it. Swirling mass of negativity is breaking me down again. My only hope it to wake up and down another pill and try and start over again.

Fuck everything.

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